Marriage 2018-03-15T17:18:57+00:00

When Being Right Goes Wrong

Working through heated arguments with your husband

By Cody Shiers

Now ladies, how many times do we get into arguments with our handsome husbands only to reveal we were right the whole time? Well, no need to raise hands, because rest assured, I’m sure many of us have been in this place countless times! However, what was the result of being right in the argument?

Did you win anything? Maybe your hubby told you, “You were right.” But deep down inside he was hurt and quite honestly, so were you. Unfortunately, when our men are hurt - we hurt. Marriage is all about unity. And if one is hurt, then it affects the two of you.

Now, if you are anything like me - spicy and all about vocalization, scripture is not always at the forefront of your mind. I know that it should be, and that’s why seeking the Father’s heart is so important in marriage. I mean, I would be lying if I told you that my hubby and I have never had our share of spats or that I walked away feeling accomplished every time. Granted, in the past, I have walked away feeling like, “I won!” Only to return to the same sense of hurt that I spoke about earlier, because I just had to be right.

You see, Ephesians 4:2-3 says, “…with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the UNITY of the Spirit in the BOND of peace.” I don’t know about you, but this scripture reproaches me (even as I type it and recite it to my spirit). Listen. I’m not saying never disagree with your husband. In fact, there are moments when my husband and I have arguments and in the words of my favorite author and speaker, Priscilla Shirer would say, “We have heated fellowship.” There are times when the “heated fellowship” or heated argument and the differences in opinion are needed, because Proverbs 27:17 states, “As iron sharpens iron, so does one man sharpen another.”

Sometimes we need to iron out our differences with our husband, whether it be about opinions or even miscommunication. However, the fruit of these heated fellowships often bring about unity. It’s in the moments when we feel that we are justified in the argument or maybe wrongfully accused, that we have to then learn how to stop and lean into the Holy Spirit for further instruction.

The reality is this. Not every argument needs to be won and not every time our husbands do something wrong, do we need to acknowledge it. I would be the first to say rubbing their mistakes in their faces will only cause division in the marriage, and that is not God’s heart for marriage.

So instead my beautiful sister, let us press into the Lord for guidance in loving our husbands. Let us not be afraid to eagerly maintain the unity in our marriage by kicking the enemy out of our thought processes. Let us stop seeking to “be right” or the need to be validated. Finally, let us as daughters of the King, bear with our men arm-in-arm (without having to be right all the time), as we do the will of our heavenly Father for the furthering of His Kingdom.

~Cody Shiers (Contributing Writer for Inside Out with Courtnaye)

Living Out Loud

Letting your voice be heard while living out your passion

By Trinity N. Hollins

I’m a firm believer that family is first, but sometimes that comes at a cost to us women. We have the tendency to help everyone else and place ourselves and passions on the backburner. Some of us even convince ourselves that it is just a delay and we will pick it back up later. We have sayings such as, once the children get bigger, once I purchase my home, or after I get married. That is great, but do we ever really go back to our passions?

Do we even remember what those passions are or have we lost ourselves in the hustle and bustle called life? God intended us to share our gifts with others. First Corinthians 12:7 says, “Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.” In order to do so, we as women must find our way back to the gifts that were bestowed upon us.

Many of us begin to lose ourselves in others. Yes, it is okay to be that helpmeet, encourager, nurturer, and everything else that others perceive us to be. Yet, how do we exactly see ourselves? We have to remember that in order to be the best wife, mother, sister, friend or daughter, we must know who we are and know what we have to offer, as well.

As women, we can’t continue to nurture and fill up others with their hopes, dreams and passions, yet on the inside, be empty ourselves. Some of us aren’t even half full. Think about it. Have you ever asked yourself, how did I become lost in translation (figuratively speaking)? In other words, as if you’ve been misunderstood or not heard at all as it relates to your desires.

What is the language you’re trying to speak to others? Meaning, that language that has become your fire, your passion that you know deep down inside God intended for you to do and share with the world? Philippians 2:13 reminds us, “For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.”

So, let us begin to find our voice and true selves, so that we too can fulfill our hopes, dreams, passions, and the will of God. Let’s begin to nurture ourselves and share those findings with others, because when we discover our passions and begin to speak our God-given language, we begin to mold and shape our lives that in return, become a reflection of our true selves. We begin to see what we have to offer to others and begin to walk the path that the Lord intended for us. It’s time to live out your passion!

Trinity N. Hollins - Contributing Writer